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There is no title to this post. I don't even know what I would call it if I had to name it. I can barely form a coherent thought regarding the recent events in Connecticut. My heart is so heavy. My mind racing. My soul searching.

I complained too much today. About things so insignificant that I'm actually embarrassed. I got frustrated with a fellow driver on the road when she cut me off. I was short with my toddler. All for what? There are countless people who would rather be in my shoes tonight.

Too many moms cannot even stand up, stricken down in complete mourning, as I stand and wash our dinner dishes. Too many empty children's beds tonight as my sweet boys sleep soundly, safely in their rooms. Too many husbands, like mine, who work so hard to provide for and protect their families, feeling helpless today. Knowing they cannot protect their loved ones from everything. Too many people's holiday season will never be the same.

I do not pray often. But, I found myself praying today. Eyes closed, hands over my face, crying and begging God to watch over those children and their families. Probably because I do not know what else to do. But, what am I praying for? No amount of prayer on my part will bring these innocent people and children back. I suppose I am praying that you really are at peace when you pass. Praying that any pain or fear those sweet babies felt today immediately vanished. Praying, hard, that there really is an afterlife. Because the thought of those kindergarteners' lives being over.... just over.... makes me more afraid than anything else in this life. I cannot even imagine what their parents are feeling. It is absolutely unfathomable.

All of my thoughts and prayers to the children and staff of Sandy Hook Elementary.