Recipe

I recently threw Kendan his 4th birthday party; which I will write more detail about in another post. For his party, I made homemade, dairy-free, sugar-free cupcakes. I was very nervous about this venture because, not only was it the first time I had made cake from scratch but, it was the first time I had (consciously) altered a recipe so severely. I googled plain vanilla cake and just started hacking away at it. I've been substituting dairy in recipes for years now due to Kendan's allergy but, cutting the sugar out too? I was nervous about how these would turn out. 

I wanted the cupcakes to be sugar-free because, over the last six months or so, I have gone on a crusade against sugar. I won't go into much detail on that subject; again, that's another post for another time. But, I got the impression I am not the only one who is trying to escape sugar's grip on our health. One of the mothers at the party originally passed on having a cupcake because she recently gave up sugar. I've never seen a happier face than when I told her they were sugar-free. I also received more requests for the recipe to these cupcakes than I ever imagined. I am happy to share! Especially a treat that I know I feel good about my kids eating. I'm also thrilled to be promoting sugar and dairy free efforts. And, the truth is, you'll never miss those ingredients. These cupcakes received rave reviews. 

So, here is the recipe for some yummy, much healthier cupcakes. 

Dairy and Sugar Free Cupcakes
Yield: 24 cupcakes or a 9x9 cake 

- 1 1/4 cups honey (16oz bottle)
- 1 cup coconut oil
- 4 eggs
- 1 tablespoon and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
- 3 cups all purpose flour 
- 1 tablespoon and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 
- 1 teaspoon baking soda 
- 3/4 cup milk (I use almond milk) 

1). Preheat oven to 325°F. Grease 9x9in pan or line muffin tin with liners.

2). In medium bowl, beat together the honey and coconut oil. Beat in eggs, one at a time, then stir in vanilla. In separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and baking soda. Add flour mixture to the honey and oil and mix well. Finally stir in the milk until batter is smooth. Pour/spoon batter into prepared pan. 

3). For a pan cake, bake for 35 to 45 minutes. For cupcakes, bake 25-28 minutes. Cake is done when it springs back to the touch or when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. 

I hope you all have the opportunity to make this delicious dessert. Cheers to happier, healthier, and definitely sweeter lives!  

Two

When Kendan turned two I thought he was so big. My big boy. He seemed so grown up to me. He was stringing words together to make sentences and becoming clearer in expressing exactly what he wanted or needed. He knew his colors and shapes. He was sneaky. He knew how to be funny. He was a big kid! I remember his second birthday party very vividly; popcorn and pajamas, so many wonderful friends, and my big boy playing and blowing out his candles.

I also remember Damien at that party. My baby. I remember I dressed him in actual clothing that day as a joke on the theme since he was always in pajamas as a one month old. I remember him being very little; sandwiched nicely on his play mat between our neighbor and her baby son at the time so I could tend to my birthday boy and the guests. I believe Damien's newborn size was what made Kendan feel so old to me. I had a tiny baby who needed me for absolutely everything and a toddler who was beginning to do a lot of things for himself. 

Fast forward to today. I now have a two year old. Again. But, it's different. Without a much smaller and entirely helpless sibling to compare him to, Damien still seems like a baby to me. I think about how grown up Kendan felt at this age and I don't feel the same way about Damien even though he is doing all the same things Kendan was doing by now. He talks so much! He answers, "Ready" or "Ok" (actually, just "K") for almost everything. He opens the door to every room and boisterously says, "Hi" to announce his presence. He also expresses his needs and wants; although, not as clearly since he prefers to screech instead of sign like Kendan did. Damien is also sneaky (already procrastinating at bed time) and funny .... no, hilarious! He has the absolute best facial expressions. His "bubble" laugh, as his Aunt and I call it, is contagious and the cutest thing you've ever heard. He is also very different from who Kendan was at this age. He doesn't know all of his shapes and colors. For a while, everything was yellow. Now, everything is "color" as he waves his hand over an object when you ask him what color it is. I suppose that's a step backwards, but it cracks me up. He only knows "star" as far as shapes go and waits until I get to five when counting to cheerily yell along, "FIVE!" But, man can he sing! He knows the lyrics to more songs than his four year old brother. And I don't mean "Wheels on the Bus." Damien sings along to songs on the radio and CD's in our car. Lourde, Jimmy Eat World, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry. It's awsome. But, his favorite song, by far, is the Pentatonix version of "Little Drummer Boy". The video on YouTube serves as the perfect bribery to eat asparagus.

I threw the same second birthday party for Damien. Popcorn and pajamas! It snowed all day, which is rare for Texas in February. I was worried Damien's guests, his weekly Playgroup and best friend Skyler, wouldn't make it to our house. But, they did! We all indulged in muffins and popcorn in our cozy pj's; even the moms. Damien played with his little friends; being all toddlers, he fits in well with the group. However, despite being a typical two year old, just like Kendan was, Damien is just a baby. My baby. Compared to his big brother he isn't nearly as self sufficient. Looking at how much my four year old knows and does makes my two year old seem so young. And, that's ok. I am so happy Damien still feels like my sweet little infant. It hits me hard when he wears 2T clothing; stuff Kendan still wore when we moved into our home in Texas. It's crazy to think we will begin potty training this year. Or that we just got him his first bike for his birthday. I sometimes worry that I need to work more with Damien on counting and learning his colors. I get concerned when I think about how old Kendan felt at this age and how young Damien still feels. But, I've decided to consider this feeling a blessing. I hope Damien always appears little to me.  At age 2, 10, 25, and beyond. Because even though be must grow up, he'll always be my baby.

Damien,

You are the best! I cannot even begin to describe how incredibly lucky I am to be your mother. You make me laugh every single day. I love how you work at something until you figure it out; rarely giving up. I love your fearlessness as you try everything your big brother does and more. I love seeing you learn new things every day and having you surprise me with things I didn't realize you knew. I love your huge personality and how it fits perfectly into our family. We are blessed beyond measure to have you in our lives. We love you! 

Happy Birthday! 

Delayed

2014 has to be better than how it has started. Granted, yes, it technically began at midnight on January 1st at a phenomenal concert with some of my favorite people. But, it swiftly went downhill from there. 

We have been in Chicago for the holidays for a year now. Ok, not that long, but it feels that way. We have tried to go home several times. We drove to the airport, checked in for flights... Hell, we even boarded a plane once (and sat there for two hours). But, countless delays, a hotel stay, three cancelled flights, a lot of tears, and finally just going back to my in-law's later... we are still here. The combination of weather and FAA regulations have people sleeping in the airport, news crews interviewing annoyed airline customers, and planes sitting at the terminals. Honestly, there is so much more that goes into it than I ever care to understand. But, the bottom line is - we cannot go home. If it were just me and my husband we would live at Midway to get on the next standby flight; but, we have two children with us. Children who need beds, rest, decent meals, etc. 

It has been a constant guessing game. Will the plane take off today? The answer has been "no". Will our flight be missing a pilot or another essential member of the crew? More than likely. Are flight attendants that essential??? Turns out, yes, they are. Should we stand in the line at the gate to speak to an agent? Or call? Or brave the line at the ticket counter? Doesn't make that much of a difference. Feed the kids lunch or sit here in hopes we board the flight? Feed them; you're not going anywhere. Should I cry? Yes. 

I suppose this is the part where I reach a higher level of appreciation for the situation. *I'll try* I am so thankful we have somewhere to go. We did spend the first night in a hotel since my in-law's house is an hour away. We were sure we'd spend one inconvenient night in a room with both of our kids and then we would be on our way home. Fools. Once we were exhausted after day two at the airport, second cancelled flight, and a night sharing a bed with a toddler... we gave up and headed back to the suburbs. We had to buy new pajamas, underwear, and other essentials; did I mention we are without our luggage? *ugh* But, we have our own rooms and the ability to wash our clothes and eat home cooked meals. We don't have our coats or hats in this below freezing weather - so we haven't left the house. But, it absolutely could be worse. I am also very grateful my children are with me. If I were stranded somewhere trying to get home to them I would have completely lost my mind by now. I have snuggled on them both so many times and said, "I'm so glad I'm with you" through gritted teeth. But, any other greater understanding from all of this is lost on me. I just want to go home. 

All of this has left me feeling very behind in the new year. Delayed. Just like our flights and return home. I am the type who takes control at the beginning of the year. I love making lists and deciding what I can improve upon. Last year held a lot of changes for my health. And now, after a very long holiday, I am desperate to get back to that healthy lifestyle. I am dying to go to yoga and would be content with never looking at a Christmas cookie again. I want to clean my house. Unpack. Do our laundry. My children want their bedrooms. Their toys. Their home. I know Craig would like to return to work! The day before we were originally scheduled to fly to Dallas I said to Craig, "If we are delayed for whatever reason I am going to cry." It had already been a long trip. Little did I know what was in store for us. Kendan has been begging for a week now, "I wanna go home!" We all do, buddy. Mommy, Daddy, Brother... and everyone stuck in the airport. 

Tomorrow we try again. We are rebooked again. We will drive to the airport again. We will check in, go through security, and wait at the gate AGAIN. We may board the plane one more time and hopefully, hopefully take off and then land in Dallas. Almost a full week into 2014 we will finally be home. *Please* As delayed as our start into the new year may be, I plan to make the best of it. I have so much anticipation built up for getting this year going. Until then, I will sit in pajamas, eat delicious homemade food, love on my family, and enjoy this forced hiatus from productive life. For only one more day. I hope. 

Beyond annoyed at the airport!

Affluence

A friend of mine recently brought a local news story to my attention. A 16 year old boy got drunk and crashed his truck, killing four people in another vehicle and paralyzing at least one of the passengers in his vehicle. A very serious tragedy. Incredibly sad. But, here's the part of the story that makes it nearly impossible to comprehend: the teenager was sentenced to treatment and 10 years probation. That's it. He chose to drink. He chose to drive. And his choices resulted in ending four people's lives. His defense attorney's argument was that this child was too privileged and never had limits set for him by his parents. They're claiming "Affluenza" as his defense. Is that like declaring "Insanity" only in reference to the defendant's parents? *eye roll* So, because this kid has never been made to take responsibility for his actions he doesn't have to now either? The lesson this boy has been taught is, "You can do whatever you want and literally get away with murder." Literally. Ok, ok ... "Man slaughter" ... 

I understand that the juvenile system is not meant to be punitive. That it is in place to help kids who have made mistakes so that they can become functioning members of society. I completely agree with that. Throwing this boy into jail to rot for several decades is not the answer. Treatment is definitely the best solution... for him. But, what about the grieving families? Innocent people suffering through the loss of their loved ones, left wondering why the person who killed them is being paid such kindness. Keeping him from going to prison and helping him to succeed in the future is about the nicest thing that can be done for this offender right now. Is that what he deserves? 

Ok. So, he's not going to be incarcerated. Fine. He'll get his truck taken away, his license revoked, he'll have to attend treatment, I'm sure he'll have some sort of house arrest situation.... so, basically, he's grounded? Hell, that was my punishment for not doing my chores! "Driving drunk and killing people is very bad behavior, son. Now write that sentence 100 times and no ice cream before bed tonight." Ridiculous! Although, because this kid has never actually been grounded in his life, I am sure this punishment will feel "SO UNFAIR!" 

This teen's lack of parental guidance, boundaries, and consequences growing up is being made the larger issue here. So, can we put his parents in jail? If the argument is that their parenting, or lack thereof, is the ultimate cause of this situation and the child cannot be blamed because he is a victim of his circumstances, then shouldn't his parents be held responsible? If they are the reason he felt it was acceptable to drive drunk then doesn't that make them conspirators in the killing of these people? If the plaintiff is a victim and the defendant is a victim.... then who is the culprit? I realize it's not as black and white as that. That, yes, this teenager probably really is a victim of terrible parenting and that he does need help. But, where does that defense stop? Maybe his parents also come from an affluent family. And their parents. And so on... Maybe the next serial killer in this country will just be "testing boundaries" because his parents never told him not to mutilate innocent people. Somebody has to be made to face consequences - real consequences, not being told "no, no" with the shake of a finger. I am sure the parents will be sued left and right. But, I can also guarantee that that is not a big deal to them. Again, the punishment does not fit the crime. They have, undoubtedly, used their affluence to get them out of sticky situations before. Which only reinforces the negative affects of being affluent. I get in trouble because I have too much money to care and then use that money to get me out of trouble so I can continue not caring. Sounds like a pretty high brow problem to me! Chant it with me... "Jail time! Jail time! Jail time!" Because I am 100% certain that if I got into a vehicle while intoxicated and hit another car causing the passengers to perish, that's exactly where I'd be. Jail. Deservedly so. 

This whole situation is infuriating. And I'm not even one of the people involved! I suppose the only thing I can do is raise my children the complete opposite way. We are definitely not affluent, so that part is not a problem. But, holding my kids responsible for their actions is of the utmost importance. Starting with the smallest offenses and giving them real, consistent consequences. It is actually very hard work for such a simple concept. But, it has to be done. I know they will still occasionally make bad decisions but I hope they will also understand responsibility. 

Give

Once I had children I knew I wanted to teach them something very valuable, especially around the holidays. To give. To give of your heart and your time is always better than to give gifts. Helping others in need is one of the most important things you can do. And, "It is more blessed to give than to receive..." You know, all that "jazz". I want them to grow up serving others a Thanksgiving meal or inviting people into their home. Ideally, there will be a pile of toys and clothes to be donated every Christmas before new items are unwrapped from under our tree. Since the boys were born, I have taken the holiday season as an opportunity to teach them this lesson a total of zero times. Not that I promote the opposite or anything.... it just turns out I didn't have my act together for the last three years. I have made several clothing and food donations since they were born, and Kendan loves helping me bring new neighbors cookies... I just failed to use these as teaching tools for the boys. *Whoops!*

This year is different. Well, not that different since Thanksgiving came and went without so much as a coin dropped in a donation bucket. *Whoops again!* I was informed that our playgroup would be participating in the local Love Pac program this season. This program donates boxes with enough food to feed a family of three siblings every day during the winter break. Families who rely upon the school meal programs for breakfast, snack, and lunch everyday to feed their children, and who cannot afford all of this food on their own. The idea was for each member of playgroup to donate some items to create one or two Love Pacs to donate to a local school. Deciding not to miss this opportunity to teach my kids (well, Kendan, at least) about helping others who are in need, we volunteered. But, I thought that a few canned goods would not drive the point home. No, we needed to do an entire box, by ourselves. 

The day I planned to shop for the Love Pac items I asked Kendan, "Did you know that there are some little boys and girls who don't have enough food to eat at home? And when they are hungry their mommy and daddy don't have food to give them. Isn't that so sad?" I became a little choked up at the thought of my sweet boy standing in front of me asking for something to eat and imagining what I would say to him if I couldn't provide that. He, as sweetly as ever, said, "But, we have a lot of food," and motioned towards the open doors of our pantry. His response could not have been more perfect to highlight the contrast between the two scenarios. I reiterated, "I know we do, but some people don't. So, today, we are going to go to the grocery store and buy lots of food for a family so that they are not hungry." He was happy to get food for another family, but reluctant to agree to go to the store; it's his least favorite activity. He became more excited once he was helping me unload more bags than he's ever seen at once from the car when we returned home. It looked like we were preparing the an apocalypse after our two hours at the store! 

Kendan reviewing the receipt as they went through the bags

The boys among a sea of food... and Damien eating a pretzel because he cannot go five minutes without food, especially while staring at food.

I hope to be able to instill this value for my children year round. But, the holiday season is when enforcing giving is most necessary. Christmas is about getting presents... or at least that is the message that is made very clear to children. Children who are already super psyched to be handed anything with a bow on it. Christmas only accelerates this excitement. Let's take Santa Claus, for example. He brings presents! He's in most Christmas carols on the radio. In countless store fronts. And even on kids' shows on television. We were watching a Mickey Mouse episode in which Christmas wasn't going to come if Santa couldn't be rescued from a mountain top. I announced to Kendan from the kitchen, "That's not true! Christmas will come with or without Santa Claus!" *Ridiculous* Thankfully, we also watched Dr. Seuss's The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I made sure to point out in the end how, even without presents and decorations and food and STUFF, Christmas still came. Whoville still rejoiced. 

We don't actually "do" Santa in our house. He doesn't come down our chimney, we don't leave him cookies, there's no Elf on our Shelf. I promise I don't shuffle around the snowy streets shouting, "Bah humbug!" But, Santa is not a part of our Christmas tradition. He was a major part of my childhood. I loved mailing him lists and the magic surrounding him. But, long after I knew the truth about Claus and long after the quantity of gifts with my name on them was no longer important, I still felt the magic. In fact, I feel it more and from different sources and traditions. I do not reserve judgement for people who do include Santa Claus in their holiday festivities; I grew up believing in him and it was great! I love seeing mall Santa photos with kids screaming on his lap. And, it's not like we can completely escape Jolly Old St. Nick; like I said, he's everywhere. I tell Kendan that Santa is a representation that it is good to give. That some families believe he brings them presents because giving to others is wonderful. But, the idea of having to behave because Santa or his elves are watching so that you can be rewarded with gifts is not the direction I want to go in. a). I want them to behave all year long. And, b). I want them to behave without bribing them with wrapped boxes! *Let's be honest, the bribery happens enough on its own!* And do any parents truly withhold Christmas gifts from their kids if they act like little jerks leading up to the big day? I highly doubt it. Lesson lost. 

Teaching to give when all my three year old wants to do is get is going to be difficult. But, I am hoping to give both of my boys enough examples throughout the year, and especially during the holidays, to help them along. Keeping their ages and attention spans in mind, I am taking small steps to include acts of kindness, donations, and giving of our ourselves in our holidays. Maybe they will cherish gift exchange a little less, hopefully Kendan will remember when we helped to feed a hungry family, and I pray these are traditions they want to continue all their lives. 

"Christmas Day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp. Christmas Day will always be, just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart, and hand in hand."

-Dr. Seuss