Thursday, September 20, 2012


It's 2:51 in the morning. I should be sleeping. Not only because, believe it or not, moms need sleep too. But, because I can hear my sick toddler fussing and moving over the monitor, threatening to wake up and officially rob me of the rest of a good night's sleep. It's its own breed of desperation when you lose sleep over the thought of losing sleep. *sigh* And the fact that it is going to be a long day with him not feeling well anyway doesn't help me fall asleep any faster. What woke me up? Allergies had a part in it; waking up to your tongue attempting to scratch the back of your throat is never pleasant. Also having to use the bathroom like I do in the middle of the night, every night, woke me up. I never did regain bladder capacity after pregnancy; so not fair. More importantly, what is keeping me up, besides the intense growling my stomach is doing (why am I ALWAYS hungry?)?

It starts with checking the time when I don't immediately fall back to sleep. It's now 3:00am. If I fall asleep now I will get to sleep for four more hours. Then it turns into a mental checklist of what I have to accomplish the next day. The list includes the usual suspects: do laundry, workout, pay bills, etc. Tomorrow I have to pack to go to Chicago for two weeks and that provides its own list of things I must get done in the next 24 hours. Nothing all that thrilling, so why am I awake? My stomach growls again. Should I just go eat some cereal to shut it up? No, surely I'll slip off into slumber soon enough. Right? I blow my nose for the thousandth time; I hate allergies.

3:05. My eyes don't even feel tired. My husband is breathing heavily. *jealous* I can hear Damien's sound machine whooshing the beach tide back and forth. Kendan's humidifier is gurgling over the monitor. Even with my family snug as bugs and all the noises of a sleeping household to comfort me, I cannot sleep. Kendan fusses again, adjusts his laying position, poor kid. I just want to pick him up and rock him! But, I won't because I know he really needs his sleep.

It's now 3:15am and my thoughts have graduated from to do lists and a bowl of Apple Jacks to our impending move and the ice cream in the freezer (ugh, stop it!). Unpacking boxes in our new house and the overwhelming stress it'll surely bring. Leaving this house behind, all the work we did to it and memories we made in it. I hope the new owners equally appreciate the remodeled bath, redone hardwoods, and every nail hole that held a family picture. I think about leaving our friends here. Especially Kendan leaving his best friend across the street, a thought that is never far from my mind these days. I think about the amazing Fall weather and changing leaves that have begun to show in Kansas City and how moving to Dallas will probably feel like moving back into Summer. *cringe* Will I have a chance to decorate for Halloween in the new house; will I even be able to FIND my decorations? I think about it all. Not with enough energy to force me out of bed to begin tackling things that need to be done (I've attempted that before, I changed a load of laundry and immediately returned to bed). And I don't think about these things with enough detail to write a full blog on any one subject either. I apologize to you, the reader, I should have warned you this post has no point. I think about everything just enough to keep me awake.

It's 3:53am. I've been awake, in the middle of the night, for over an hour now fighting an allergy attack and contemplating way too many things. The joke of it is, Kendan hasn't actually woken up once; but, I bet he will as soon as I finally pass out! I've accomplished nothing but I have ensured tomorrow will be difficult because I'll be exhausted. I should have just eaten that bowl of cereal; I'd probably be asleep by now.

.....and now Kendan is awake.

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