Monday, October 8, 2012


We just got back to Kansas City after a two week visit in Chicago. A couple friends' weddings and events required we stick around up North for an extended stay. It was such a great trip, staying with family, seeing friends, and celebrating some amazing couples. But, after two weeks, there wasn't anything I wanted more than to go home. "Home", that is.... in quotations. See, our getaway to Chicago just so happened to take up two of the three weeks we had left in Kansas City before we move to Dallas. There wasn't any place I would rather be than standing next to one of my best friends on her wedding day last weekend; there was no question as to whether or not we would be there. However, the timing was hard for our family in the midst of having to come to terms with a big move.

There is something empty in the longing you feel to hurry up and get home when you know it will only be "home" for a few more days. Driving up your street while your toddler excitedly yells, "we're here!", knowing he will soon not recognize his daily surroundings. Unpacking your bags when you'll just be packing everything in boxes in a few short days. Your children finally getting a full night's sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms, knowing their rooms will be 500 miles away starting next week. Buying only bananas on your weekly Monday grocery trip with the intention of finishing up everything in your pantry before you move. And, mostly, cramming in visits with friends as much as possible because you DID miss them desperately and WILL miss them desperately. Both.

My child did not forget his friends or his home in the two weeks we were gone. He asked for his friends, one in particular, almost every day. Some days non-stop. He also asked to go to "Mommy's house" several times, which is what he calls our home in Kansas City. I believe these instances were not as heartbreaking as they could have been. I think the fact that he was distracted by grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. kept him from asking to go home as often as possible. But, when it was just us in the car, or when he'd wake up refreshed from a nap, he reminded me that he had not forgotten home. It was also easier to bear his requests for his friend and home because I knew the situation was temporary; we'd be going "home" shortly. What frightens me is, I now know, it'll take MORE than two weeks for Kendan to "forget". I don't actually want him to forget. As I've previously posted on this blog, the last two years of memories are some I want him to keep forever. But, it will take more than two weeks for him to accept the new home as "home". Accept that we will not see our friends every day. Accept that when we get in the car to go for a ride it won't be to "Mommy's house". And, this time, when he asks to go home I will tell him, "we are home".

Maybe two weeks away was a good thing. Maybe an initial separation will help ease our family into a new home. We came back to this house knowing full-well that it is only temporary. Maybe it won't be as hard to leave again if it doesn't quite feel like "home" anymore. I can celebrate the fact that I will not have to rake the leaves that have begun to fall. And the bills that come in the mail here will be some of the last for this house (always nice to stop paying a bill). But, if our being away for two weeks will help to make the moving process any less emotional it hasn't been proven yet. I look around our quaint home, imagine it empty, and a lump goes to my throat.

I have to keep in mind that I felt this same way when we left Indiana. I loved that home. Kendan's first nursery that we worked so hard on was there. We made really wonderful friends there too. Everything we did to the house and the memories we made there helped make it our home. When we had to say goodbye I was very sad and was not sure how living in Kansas City would pan out. Look at me now, devastated to leave another home. I believe this makes me a very lucky person in life. Traveling, moving, making friends all over the country. Having had such wonderful experiences that it is truly heartbreaking for them to end. I am lucky in this life. Blessed, even.

The last few days in our "home" will be highly emotional. Then stressful as the actual move is upon us. Then even more stressful when we are 500 miles away and I cannot find the coffee filters among the hundreds of boxes so Mommy can just have a cup of caffeine! But, before we know it, memories will start being made in our new home; without even trying. If we're really lucky, all the people we love will get to come visit us. And with as much as my three boys fill me up every day, it will be easy to make our Dallas house our "home".

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